The Big Machine: I’m Torn In Pieces
Finally, the last of the four "Big Machine" lines I mentioned. I know, it’s been a while since I last updated my blog. I’ve been so loaded with things to do. But now, I think there’s no better time to write.
Indecision. Something that is so everyday. From the moment we wake up to the time we dream off, we are faced with the possibility of this and that, here and there. We are torn especially if we perceive our choices as of equal value.
And maybe, right now, I’m not THAT torn anymore. Maybe I’ve made some sort of safe compromise with myself–for now. Choosing is no easy feat. We are prompted to choose for many reasons. We may be in a caught-up-in-the-moment situation where a decision needs to made. Or maybe there’s a pressing matter that demands immediate action. Or maybe we simply make a decision because we just have to. It’s not as easy as choosing between pink or yellow. What I decide on today inevitably determines tomorrow. But if things dont turn out the way I idealized it be, I won’t feel shortchanged at all because throughout, surely there will have been lessons to be re-learned and un-learned.
But I think it’s fun or even maybe more exciting that there’s a bit of existensialism in it. That you get to determine what happens next and you sort of have control over your life.
I’m torn in pieces.
There’s always what the economists call opportunity cost. There’ll always be something that will be lost, the chance forgone. In choosing we have to let go of something because selfishness is choice’s greatest enemy yet most crucial determinant. Enemy because it’s a fact that we can’t have it all if we have to choose. If it were easy then there would be no choice to begin with. A determinant because of our selfish motives (which we are often unaware of) we choose one that would benefit us the most. Like a someone once said, ask the economist. Maybe there is a some truth to that, after all.
I’m gathering my thoughts and picking them up, bracing myself for what could happen. Decisions, decisions, decision. Can’t live without them.
I’m torn in pieces. But aren’t we all?
