Lost
I am so lost these days.
I want to talk about so many things- politics, relationships, ideas, and even religion, maybe.
I haven’t posted in a while. Mostly because I’ve been so preoccupied and also partially because I’ve realised I’ve got to be a little bit more cautious about what I say for fear of revealing too much about me. But I can’t help it. I have to vent hehe…
Things have been going swell. I mean more than swell, really, if you think about it. I’ve met the most interesting of people and I’ve gotten to really know some of them. I’ve become more health conscious and all. I’ve kept myself updated with current events.
And at this point, I’m wondering why I still feeling so lost and even, I think, empty. I keep thinking about the things I REALLY want. It seems like am getting to where I want to be, honestly. But in the back of my head, what if it’s not at all what I imagined it to be.
For one thing, perhaps, just like everyone else, you wait for that moment when someone will just sweep you off your feet. Maybe I’ve met him. Or not. But after much consideration, perhaps it’s not what I need right now. And I guess only patience will tell.
And how about travel? I’ve haven’t got plans yet but hopefully before I start schooling again this June, I get to go somewhere in Asia. Taiwan or maybe Korea?
I miss Bournemouth still. It’ll be a year. I miss Sue and Bihter. I miss Paul. And I’m not scared to admit that.
I feel like I’m in the middle of a storm that’s just beginning to brew. Like I have to be somewhere else, someone else.
Have you ever felt like that? That your life isn’t yours? That no matter how hard you try to control it, it just wouldn’t obey, wouldn’t follow.
And somewhere, I dunno, I think I’ve become a bit of a cynic and a bit of an idealist. And those two just cancel themselves out that I end up not knowing what to believe or to believe at all. I risk being jaded and aloof and indifferent. And I’ve been struggling not to be one of those people who begin not to care.
And I’ve never felt so blah and lost and clueless. Because I’m starting to question whether what I’ve wanted, what I’ve worked for is something worth pursuing.
