“To the delirious eye, more lovely things of Paradise and Love-and all our own. Than young Hope in his sunniest hour hath known”-Edgar Allan Poe
February 17, 2008 at 8:52 am
· Filed under it's on top of my head
I am so lost these days.
I want to talk about so many things- politics, relationships, ideas, and even religion, maybe.
I haven’t posted in a while. Mostly because I’ve been so preoccupied and also partially because I’ve realised I’ve got to be a little bit more cautious about what I say for fear of revealing too much about me. But I can’t help it. I have to vent hehe…
Things have been going swell. I mean more than swell, really, if you think about it. I’ve met the most interesting of people and I’ve gotten to really know some of them. I’ve become more health conscious and all. I’ve kept myself updated with current events.
And at this point, I’m wondering why I still feeling so lost and even, I think, empty. I keep thinking about the things I REALLY want. It seems like am getting to where I want to be, honestly. But in the back of my head, what if it’s not at all what I imagined it to be.
For one thing, perhaps, just like everyone else, you wait for that moment when someone will just sweep you off your feet. Maybe I’ve met him. Or not. But after much consideration, perhaps it’s not what I need right now. And I guess only patience will tell.
And how about travel? I’ve haven’t got plans yet but hopefully before I start schooling again this June, I get to go somewhere in Asia. Taiwan or maybe Korea?
I miss Bournemouth still. It’ll be a year. I miss Sue and Bihter. I miss Paul. And I’m not scared to admit that.
I feel like I’m in the middle of a storm that’s just beginning to brew. Like I have to be somewhere else, someone else.
Have you ever felt like that? That your life isn’t yours? That no matter how hard you try to control it, it just wouldn’t obey, wouldn’t follow.
And somewhere, I dunno, I think I’ve become a bit of a cynic and a bit of an idealist. And those two just cancel themselves out that I end up not knowing what to believe or to believe at all. I risk being jaded and aloof and indifferent. And I’ve been struggling not to be one of those people who begin not to care.
And I’ve never felt so blah and lost and clueless. Because I’m starting to question whether what I’ve wanted, what I’ve worked for is something worth pursuing.
Permalink
Jean wrote @ February 17th, 2008 at 10:51 am
oh my god marga. it’s exactly what i’ve been feeling since december and just right out of the blue. i feel so lost. but i couldn’t quite put it into words as beautifully, as honestly or as profoundly as you do. i’ve always read your thoughts. all of your posts, i’ve read them and i’ve asked my friends to as well. i’ve always related to what you wrote. but this, this could’ve come from me. nothing to do right now but just hang in there, i guess. so do, little girl. i’ve written something for me last time. http://jeanius1.blogs.friendster.com/life/2007/12/little_child_lo_1.html i hope you can believe that. i am still trying to convince myself. 
elre wrote @ February 17th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
A refreshing way to express angst in blog form. Blog on Marga…. Putting your thoughts into words and in a manner so engaging is as natural as walking or breathing for you. Just like your friend Jean who posted her comment ahead of me, i agree that this candid profound, lucid way of expressing the feeling of being lost is your own unique gift. The gift that is meant to be shared. So Blog on friend… i will be waiting for more. In behalf of the others you have touched as well…Thank You!
hehehe.
nice!!
febri wrote @ February 19th, 2008 at 6:55 am
goooooooooooooooooooooooood
hamirah wrote @ February 19th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
i think its normal, i mean, at that age of yours, you really are going to experience this feeling of being somewhat “lost”. hehe. nothing.
well we don’t know wat will happen next…..ayt
ღ chi ღ wrote @ February 19th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
i fil i’m kinda lost too(but i guess i’m rili lost)… huhu
i’m just tryin’ to make myself believe that i’m not…
but the more i convince myself that i’m not and pretend to be happy and contented– the more i feel blue.. =(
i’ve been like this for almost a year–i guess–.
but still,i’m afraid to let the people who cares to know..
i wish i could be like you who’s so honest with what you feel–
theody wrote @ February 19th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
You need to have a space and pls try to moderate your emotion. Sometimes its just normal for us to be lost in the forest and we will be confronted with a lot of traps in our quest for personal satisfaction, however, those are only faliatives in life… We must not forget that the world is there, waiting to be conquered by anybody who dare to face the bitternes and facts of life. You are not the only one in this unpredictable Earth who feels that sometimes the World is so unfair. Most of the times, we prepare ourselves for the better and good things to come, such us Festivities, celebrations, reunions, and others forms of special days in our life.. We are even more worried on what to wear on that very special occassions for we wanted to be the best among the best during that time. Im not saying that it is not right to prepare ourselves for the best thing to come, however, it is very unfortunate to say that we only care for the best, but we forgot to be of our best and be prepared also for the WORST thing to come in our life.. Isn’t it right that we must not only prepare for the best to come, afterall, we have nothing to fear, for it is alredy the BEST? but importantly, we must prepare for the WORST thing to happen, for that is the time that we will expereince loneliness, sadness, frustrations, and failures if we can’t surpass it.. Finally, if we have one thing to be prepared of, that would be the WORST thing to come in our life.. and i could say that what you experiencing now is the product of your failure to anticipate the WORST.. You are not LOST my friend, you only failed to plan your life.. IF WE FAILED TO PLAN OUR LIFE, THEN, WE PLAN TO BE FAILED IN THE FUTURE!!!
marga,you’re not a losser my friend…..always remember that a little heartache helps to build a stronger heart………
Jonathan wrote @ February 21st, 2008 at 2:34 am
if you are lost, let Jesus lead the way….
ing2v wrote @ February 21st, 2008 at 7:06 am
‘LIFE doesn’t always turn out the way you PLAN’..
‘Every HUMAN being has a personal LEGEND to be fulfilled, and this is our REASON for being in the world. This personal legend manifests itself in our enthusiasm for the task.’..
hector wrote @ February 21st, 2008 at 11:52 am
well! great nice,letter, it ’s now or never,situation, start now! before future catch up,,you!!! best of luck!!!,.
jesty wrote @ February 21st, 2008 at 10:03 pm
marga,this what im experiencing too right now. but don’t lose hope. just try to look at the bright side. GodBless!
Ivy wrote @ February 21st, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Just be yourself and live life to the fullest, enjoy life, smile to the world and the world will smile at you.
Dolores wrote @ February 22nd, 2008 at 12:02 am
Hi marge don’t lose hope,let me be your ate.
Md ShAh wrote @ February 22nd, 2008 at 1:27 am
hi…..
Donna wrote @ February 22nd, 2008 at 1:41 am
yah’ i feel dat way too.. right now’ and how i wish i could b sumbody else.. but just a prayer to mke things alright would b d best’ tke cre..
Sahrul wrote @ February 22nd, 2008 at 1:52 am
waduh mbak, maybe you better playying madcap aje.
arpie wrote @ February 22nd, 2008 at 10:22 pm
your so so nice my dear
hai,margez…!
i know ur simply
girl an sweet smiling
ever in ur life…!
go 4 that 4 ur happiningz
that u have….!!
heheheehehheh!!!!
John wrote @ February 23rd, 2008 at 6:50 am
focus with Jesus Christ in your and surely my friend marga you will not loss your way
CALVIN wrote @ February 23rd, 2008 at 8:46 am
What you focus on determines how you feel…
jays wrote @ February 23rd, 2008 at 9:02 am
ay mako ano kay yon???
Sam wrote @ February 24th, 2008 at 12:23 am
just take easy, n’ go with someone who can make u laugh, i often feel like u. and the medicine is a real friend
dee wrote @ February 24th, 2008 at 1:27 am
mmmmmmmmmmmm
Claro wrote @ February 24th, 2008 at 2:40 am
Let your idealism overpower your cynicism. It will help by planting seeds of courage within you and given enough time to grow you will be freed from your skepticism. I learned this from my brother, Jesus Christ.
Mary Lyka wrote @ February 24th, 2008 at 7:00 am
I was once as blue and as lost as you..but i just woke up one morning and realized that I was not really lost at all..all you need is a deep deep reflection from within, it’s just the deepest being of you that you need to find… 
My friend read a book by Cherie Carter. It simply said, ‘your surrounding is only reflection of how you treat yourself.’
Your last post was too contrasts with your other posts I’ve read last year. Maybe your current environment had caused you a little depression. Just keep the faith that anybody can create his/her dream, only if he/she are being true to his/her heart.
So don’t be affraid, Marga. You have your world on your hand.. Maybe all you need is just some relaxations, to refresh your memory from all unecessary things and get focus…
Lastly, I’m so sorry to interrupt. I’ve just had a quick view and couldn’t help myself to write a comment. Hope this could rings your bells about the essence of enjoying yourself, like you used to be back then. You had enlightened me once, by just posted your thoughts. Remember?
romabel wrote @ February 25th, 2008 at 12:48 am
i think everybody experienced what u’re in now…but its nice dat u have d gutz to admit it! If u feel lost maybe ders something lacking in ur life….GOD! Try 2 give time to your spiritual life and be renewed by Him….sweetie..GOD will make a way when der seems to be no way….got it!!!!!
michael wrote @ February 25th, 2008 at 4:33 am
hhhhhheeeeeee///// don’t let to pray always. god wills us
i don’t know what’s wrong, but i too am feeling the same way..lost..feeling empty inside..not knowing what’s wrong..don’t worry, you’re not alone..i just tried praying a bit harder than before just to keep me sane and alive..hehe..you might want to try it..hehe..hang in there..
LIBERTYNE wrote @ February 25th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
OH, MY GOOD
joy wrote @ February 25th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
we are in the same “scene” of life right now my friend!…or maybe i’m “worst” than you…
i just dont have the gut to reveal myself as you do, but if you’ll get to know me you would say…”i’m still lucky!”..so cheer up friend…
i lopve you blog..i swear..
alma wrote @ February 26th, 2008 at 4:09 am
my dear marga:
As you have read the many many comments, most, if not all, are in the same situation as you are. i am, i was, i am ,i was. Yes, in several occasions i am and iwas in the same situation. but in 1994 i found my answer. That void in my life was filled with a person that is whole, complete, perfect, all knowing, with a perfect love. A person whose thoughts are higher than mine and ways definitely better than mine. I began to know HIS ways - HIS wisdom. finally i knew i had a relationship with HIM. That relationship filled that space that was lost.All my concerns i brought to HIM and he had always the answer. MOST OF THE TIME I did not conform with HIS answers but all the time it was the perfect answer. let me tell you an experience. i am married to the most wonderful man in the world to me. i love him so dearly even if there were so many trials in our marriage. he was my life. after 3o years of marriage, i learned he had borne 2 children by another woman. my words told me i will leave but my heart said no. i prayed, prayed, prayed. I knew GOD was telling me not to leave because that is the Christian way. No separation, no divorce,etc, etc, etc. and my husband did not want me to leave. but since then i never had peace. i was lost in my own plans and decisions. I begun to be unproductive. I did not want God to have anything to do with my decisions. I told myself This was my call. nevertheless GOD was still my shock absorber. I confided. i even to swore at Him. but HE did not leave. until HE knew i couldn’t handle the situation anymore. Then He created a situation that made me decide to leave the house. I was devastated, horrified and in pain. The travel from home (province) to manila was terrible. But when i stepped the grounds of Manila, it seemed that a miracle engulfed my whole being. The pain was gone, the worries, anxiety and tension was gone- AS IF A MANTLE OF PEACE COVERED ME -even knowingly i had nothing to hold on too here in manila - no work no money nothing - just hope and trust in my LORD AND SAVIOR. today, i am on my way to success. PRAISE TO MY GOD.you maybe in a different situation. But Try HIM. HE WILL NEVER FAIL YOU!.
sEL v wrote @ February 26th, 2008 at 8:09 am
hey, be taft marga ..
you’re nOt alone. ask to god n he will give you the best. he will ..=)
Istiqomah wrote @ February 26th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
you are looking great
i really dont know what to say..but one thing im sure,i feel the same way too..
Claro wrote @ February 27th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
We all die everyday. How we choose to die makes the greatest difference. Be such death in moral nobility or skeptical negativity? You decide.
You are not alone..that is for sure. Although, you don’t know me, still, yet it seem we are in the same page. I know, really well how sometimes we feel lost & empty. Life seem to lost it purpose.
However, that feeling not always a bad thing. For me, it one of the sign I have no problem & life going on well, I can’t thing of interesting thing to do.
One of my favourite thing to do when I feel lost, I will look at old photos/album..try it, maybe it work.
amor wrote @ February 28th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
dear marga,
im a first timer in friendster,(pathetic, huh!:(
and was exploring until iv read ur blog, ur interesting and i admire your being outspoken, sum1 hu is not afraid to reveal her feelings… hope i cud be as strong as u…
oh what
abegaille wrote @ February 29th, 2008 at 7:38 am
la lng
Migsy wrote @ February 29th, 2008 at 9:21 am
i feel for you, Marga. Hang in there. It will come to you.
hatta wrote @ February 29th, 2008 at 11:51 am
yup
RC wrote @ February 29th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
hi poh !!!!!!!! paano ba gumawa sa blog poh!!!!!!!!!!!
hey lost maybe you should change your name. It’s making you lost confused and really lost. Try some other names out there that’s more pleasant and rewarding, like “found” “seeking for truth”. and if ur seeking for the truth please don’t look for it in the dark, you’ll never find it.
just caring in case u wonder.
Edward wrote @ March 1st, 2008 at 8:45 am
It’s not how life turns out but what you do with what life throws at you. Challenges, unexpected events, etc etc etc are always there no matter what or how we do. The true meaning of life is to face those challenges and come up on top.
Overcoming challenges makes us stronger, solving problems makes us wiser!
Keep the faith. God watches over you.
RONIEL wrote @ March 1st, 2008 at 10:11 am
GREAT!!!!BUT I DONT BELIEVE IT!!YOU’RE LOST!! JUST ALWAYS REMEMBER THE NAME OF JESUS YOU WILL BE FINE FOREVER!
argie wrote @ March 1st, 2008 at 11:13 pm
hi i need more money eh..gsto ko kc mytayu ng isang bussines eh
bonifaez wrote @ March 2nd, 2008 at 4:13 am
so good
Vierda wrote @ March 2nd, 2008 at 5:49 am
Hi Marga,
nice to know you. Here is an idea, get away from your daily life for a day or two and get some peace of mind and look inside yourself. And think about how do you want you to describe who you are to yourself? Let’s see, where do you want to see yourself in 5 or 10 years or what is it in life that you want to do that makes your life is worth living… And then go for it. If you are already on the way there, try to share what you have to others. Those who have the same views as yours will help you get there, it can be very empowering. My best wishes to you. Take care.
ERRI wrote @ March 2nd, 2008 at 6:19 am
hahahaaaaa it seem that every body got lost…hahahaaa
aku tidak sadar kalo sekarang mungkin aku sedang tersesat, aku menyukai ketidak-sadaran in, tapi saat aku sadar maka aku akan lebih menyukainya!
maybe this time i’m not conscious that i’m lost, because of that i’m happy, but if i’m conscious, i’ll be more happy.
just dont refuse the thing that happens in life!
even that is death!
see you in heaven…
sampai ketemu di sorga…
ERRI wrote @ March 2nd, 2008 at 6:25 am
ooooh no…..
now i’m conscious that i’m lost!
ooooh no…..
now i’m conscious that i’m lost!
ooooh i’m in loved with this dunno know anythin’ situationg
rommel wrote @ March 2nd, 2008 at 5:32 pm
ako si papa rommel gusto mo ba na maging fren ako?
nidz wrote @ March 3rd, 2008 at 12:00 am
feeling lost….. you just created that in your mind uncreate it and you’ll be find
eleazar wrote @ March 3rd, 2008 at 4:00 pm
just till other people about the love of God to us
eleazar wrote @ March 3rd, 2008 at 4:00 pm
just till other people about the love of God to us
hui ML yu
hui ML yu………………………………………………………………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
angga wrote @ March 4th, 2008 at 10:30 am
hy……
madzki wrote @ March 5th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
hi
madzki wrote @ March 5th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
ahhmmm”hi”
sham wrote @ March 6th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
dear Marga,
it’s ok to feel lost. there’s nothing wrong with it. it’s make us more human. just remember there’s always hope 4 each one of us. we deserve a better and happier life because life is too short to be wasted..cheer up..
thangga wrote @ March 6th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Don’t worry if u believe in god,anthing could happen so be happy n go on with your life as usually.March 7,08 3:30P.M
Taufiq wrote @ March 7th, 2008 at 10:57 am
eh anjink……..
muka kaya tai pake buat fs segala ga pantes tau ngaca monyet!!!!!!!
bls k fs aink……
levi wrote @ March 7th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
hmmmmmmmmm! marge don’t lose hope,let me be your ate.
hi there,
well i dont know what move me to leave a comment here when in fact i’m a complete stranger..perhaps your honest words caught me..
let me simply introduce myself by saying that i’m a blogger just like you (other details are found in my profile lol) i would admit that some of your words were somewhat the same to what i used to say about myself. yes, i too felt lost. everyone does. but to keep this short, let me just say that it takes a journey to know one’s self. take one for yourself. i know it is subjective to say that we could renew ourselves through prayers. (saying that will state the obvious that i’m a catholic). again, i dont know you and you dont know me but i guess it is human insticts to care for another soul.
let me say it again, prayers are the key to create faith if you have lost it, as you say. these key leads to a map of yourself, our dear God is the map. Know about this map and surely you will find a hidden treasure that is instored for you.
WHO YOU WERE and WHO YOU ARE IS NEVER A WASTE. its an inevitable stage of life. but remember LIFE is fuller when spend for God’s glory. Think about this.
God bless you, young girl =)
hi there,
well i dont know what move me to leave a comment here when in fact i’m a complete stranger..perhaps your honest words caught me..
let me simply introduce myself by saying that i’m a blogger just like you (other details are found in my profile lol) i would admit that some of your words were somewhat the same to what i used to say about myself. yes, i too felt lost. everyone does. but to keep this short, let me just say that it takes a journey to know one’s self. take one for yourself. i know it is subjective to say that we could renew ourselves through prayers. (saying that will state the obvious that i’m a catholic). again, i dont know you and you dont know me but i guess it is human insticts to care for another soul.
let me say it again, prayers are the key to create faith if you have lost it, as you say. these key leads to a map of yourself, our dear God is the map. Know about this map and surely you will find a hidden treasure that is instored for you.
WHO YOU WERE and WHO YOU ARE IS NEVER A WASTE. its an inevitable stage of life. but remember LIFE is fuller when spend for God’s glory. Think about this.
God bless you, young girl =)
elvan wrote @ March 7th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
love is 17 th
Anita wrote @ March 7th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
hai. . my name anita would you be my friend
_yen_ wrote @ March 7th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
i can’t resist myself to also post a comment.. i believed that each and everyone of us also feel lost sometimes.. and it’s real hard! so how can we overcome such feeling/thinking? let Jesus takes the wheel.. talk to him.. have a quiet time with Him.. let Him fill the emptiness that you feel.. i believed that it’s all in the mind.. that emotions always follow our thinking.. i wanna share this to you my dear.. a quotation from joyce meyer’s magazine..
“Where the mind goes, the man follows.”
“If we think bad thoughts, then our emotions are going to sink. However, if we think good thoughts then I believe our emotions will rise up.”
it is very well said right? so don’t let the enemy steal the hapiness that God wants you to feel.. don’t be deceived.. there’s a book entitled ‘battlefield of the mind’ you can check on that.. it is a book written by joyce meyer.. i hope that this will help you… Godbless..
Khemsley wrote @ March 7th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
Friend will never forget each other
Windel wrote @ March 8th, 2008 at 7:22 am
I LIKE TO BE IN THE GROUP
THATS RIGHT…
FEELING LOST DONT WORRY ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE IN THE RIGHT PLACE…PRAY AND YOU WILL SEE THE DIFFERENCE…
HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA
Jun Briel wrote @ March 8th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
one of life’s greatest tragedies is to be lost and not realize it.The next greatest is to be lost and know it,but admit it or do anything about it.No man ever got lost on a straight road
Edmund wrote @ March 9th, 2008 at 6:19 am
loveless and lonely? sometimes that’s the reason why i’m feeling lost… ^_^
marga wrote @ March 9th, 2008 at 8:31 am
My friend read a book by Cherie Carter. It simply said, ‘your surrounding is only reflection of how you treat yourself.’
Your last post was too contrasts with your other posts I’ve read last year. Maybe your current environment had caused you a little depression. Just keep the faith that anybody can create his/her dream, only if he/she are being true to his/her heart.
So don’t be affraid, Marga. You have your world on your hand.. Maybe all you need is just some relaxations, to refresh your memory from all unecessary things and get focus…
Lastly, I’m so sorry to interrupt. I’ve just had a quick view and couldn’t help myself to write a comment. Hope this could rings your bells about the essence of enjoying yourself, like you used to be back then. You had enlightened me once, by just posted your thoughts. Remember?
Posted by: fikranilam | February 24, 2008 07:26 AM
—
Thanks, fikranilam, for that comment. Yes, I do remember :)…and it made me think. Sorry for the suuuper late comment.
And to everyone who have left comments I will try to individually thank you. But thanks anyway for your posts!
—-
Love,
Marga
you and me…. are feeling the same way… there is something in me that wants to let go but could not.. many things that i wanna have but im not sure if thats what i really want… its like the feeling of being unsure to these uncertain but definite world.. it sounds too cliche.. but i know, people that are feeling the same way as we are.. could understand what i am saying.. i know that i dont have the talent to right well or express what i really am feeling, like you do, that is why, when people ask me what is wrong with me.. i usually respond looking at them void and nothingness.. i am empty.. my heart wants explode but i have always had my self controlled, i have lost the hope that i used to see and believe, now, i feel like i am seeing the a piped hope… i feel that there is so much in me that needs someone or something that could fully understand me. i cannot express well what i really feel, i could not understand it, but emptiness is above it all. do i really need someone to fill me up? something?.. do i have to find myself? and give myself a break?.. i dont really know!… you see, people in my school have always look at me as the brave one, a great leader, a sacrificer, and etc.. but all their appreciations for me, feels nothing, i feel like i need someone that can understand me and can dictate what is inside of me that i cannot understand.. thank you for posting this.. at least you helped in understanding a lil bit of what i am feeling.. Godbless you
i feel that there is so much in me that needs to get out or expressed and needs someone brave enough to hear it all..
someone to find me..
“And I’ve been struggling not to be one of those people who begin not to care.” /… scary part is.. i belong to this group temporarily…
i have always believed in the saying that simplicity is beauty… now, i don’t know why simple things for me are already complex… i have lost my enthusiasm and initiative… do i sound like i am L O N E L Y??
L O S T maybe because i am L O N E L Y??
Courage doesn’t mean facing your fears without fear. It is facing you fear even if you are frightened. It is accepting the unacceptable. Denial is one way of escaping from your fear.
At least you are brave enough to admit that you’re feeling “lost”. There’s nothing wrong with that. But don’t be trapped in that stage, girl…The mere fact that you are on your way to success only means that you have a clear goal. Stick to it. Don’t let your emotions rule your mind. Let your mind rule your emotion.
Omplong wrote @ July 5th, 2008 at 1:01 am
Hello, I don’t know you but I like your blog. I’m already “one of those people who begin not to care”. Still, one has to be lost to be found
bHeV_” wrote @ July 26th, 2008 at 3:30 am
if you gonna ask me if i have ever fell like what are you feeling ryt now..maybe im just a
loser lyk you…same thing as yours i have so many wnt to do and talk of everythng but you dont knw if there’s somebody will listen…that’s why I’ll undrstand
“Thanks, fikranilam, for that comment. Yes, I do remember :)…and it made me think. Sorry for the suuuper late comment. ..”
Posted by: marga | March 9, 2008 08:31 AM
——————————
You’re very welcome!
Bite my shiny metal ass, assholes, you were joked!
Secrets are doors to many lies.
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