Serendipity
I’ve come to point where I’ve lost almost everything that mattered.
I’ve put myself so high in the pedestal that the fall could have almost been fatal.
Almost.
Because every time, somehow, there is something that manages to cushion the crash.
Friends. Who have been so fiercely loyal.
Family. Who have been so unconditionally loving.
I guess this time, it’s him again who, in his spontaneously timely manner, manages to remind me of what I still have and that my whole life remains right in front of me. Waiting to happen.
And the question “how are you?” seems to take an honestly genuine tone. Like he knew he needed to ask because something just wasn’t right.
Some call it chance. Some call it destiny. Or coincidence. Perhaps it’s more dramatically called serendipity.
It’s not the first time that he seemed to have read my mind.
And twice has the opportunity arrived for me to make things work out.
But I still choose what I have now, what I had then. A muddled mess of possibilities and missed opportunities. Once again in the crossroads. Anxiety and optimism vying for a place in my mind and my emotions.
Insisting to myself that the time isn’t now.
That I would not forgive myself if I went through life without going for what I wanted for myself.
It’s selfish, really. And I do not justify.
Everything has it serendipity.
I call it faith. And somehow I have this inexplicable feeling that everything will just unravel itself. And turn out just fine.
Because it’ll happen.
You can’t stop it.
And when that moment arrives, you’ll just know it was worth it.
Maybe working it out for him just isn’t for either of us right now. But who’s to say it wouldn’t work out in the future?
Serendipity isn’t just for the Now.
It was serendipitous for him to send me a message. Because I’ve forgotten how it felt to feel.
It was serendipitous that I’ve failed, perhaps. Because I’ve forgotten how to fight.
It was serendipitous that I’ve lost so much. Because I’ve forgotten how much I have.
It was serendipitous that I’ve hoped endlessly. Because I’ve forgotten about faith.
And I am humbled.
Because I’ve would still be going through life seemingly unscathed feeling unstoppable.
Serendipity makes me remember in the hardest and most trying of ways that I am still capable of hoping, loving, fearing, and feeling.
